Q and A With Jay

What advice from your father (or actions by him when you were young that you remember) help you as a father to your three sons?

I'll never forget a particular time in Branson, around 10 years ago. My father and I were walking back from the theater to his house. We were talking about raising kids, and he stopped and said, "Jay, I hope you remember the things I did right, but more importantly, I hope you remember the things I did wrong, so you can be a better dad to your kids." Now that's what I call humility. I felt a tremendous love coming from his heart, and a deep desire to help me become a good father. I look back on the things he did right and find very little that he did wrong, but I have taken the wrongs as he told me to do, and learn from them. I have since told my sons the same thing he told me.

Have your definitions of unconditional love, forgiveness, patience, worry, changed since you have became a father?

Yes, in fact, I used to be very critical when it came to kids. Since having my own, and refining (so to speak) my ways and attitudes as I grow up with my kids, I can now look at immature behavior (even teenagers) and say, that is someone's "Jason, Eric, or Marcus," and a compassion comes over me, instead of anger or frustration.

How did Kandilyn tell you when she was expecting Jason? I suppose it was one of the best moments of your life, and would love to hear about it.

It was one of the best moments of my life! As I mentioned before, I went into a mild stage of shock when I heard the news from Kandilyn. I was working at BYU at the time, and remember I was sitting at my desk. I walked into the Dean's office and told him the great news. The Dean laughed and said I better take the rest of the day off!

Are your boys anxious to serve on Church missions in the future, and how are you and Kandilyn helping them to prepare for this?

I hope we are preparing them well. One of my anxieties is that they won't be ready, but if we continue to do the basics (family/personal prayer and scripture study, family home evening, going to church, and living the Gospel the best we know how), I strongly believe they will be ready.

How did you and Kandilyn come up with the names for your sons?

We were going to call Jason---Jayson, but we decided against that because we wanted him to have his own-strong identity, and not risk being called Jay's son. His middle name is George, after my father.

Eric, was going to be called Ian. Don't ask me why, I just liked the name. However, because Jason loved the movie "Little Mermaid," and Eric was the cool guy in that, we decided to call him Eric instead. His middle name is Clinton, after Kandi's father.

The name Marcus, came from going over at least 100 names. We both liked the masculine sound, and it seemed to fit, being that he kicked a lot. We had a hard time figuring out his middle name, until little Jason said, "Dad, just name him after you." Voila!

On being a dad, what is the one thing above all others that you would hope your sons would learn, not so much from what you TELL them, but from what they see you LIVE on a daily basis?

I want them to see that I live what I say. My brother Jimmy used to give a talk called, "I'd rather see a sermon, than hear one anyday." That has always meant something to me. I hope I can be as good of an example to my kids, that he is to his. I think our father had a big influence on this subject. For instance, he never told us to go to church, he took us! I hope it can always be said of me, that I "practiced what I preached."

As dads and moms, we all have treasured memories of our children as they are growing up. What is a special specific memory you have of Jason, Marcus, and Eric individually, the kind that will be in your heart always?

There are so many! However, there are some letters from the past that each of them has written to me which are absolutely precious. I keep them safe and close. I look at them from time to time, just to lighten my day (I think every parent does this).

Which of your sons do you feel is most like you? Which is most like Kandilyn? Why?

Many people see Jason, and see me, back in the 70s. He not only looks like me, but he acts like me. He and I have become close because we have related to each other on so many topics.

Marcus is a mix between Kandilyn and myself. He has a lot of Osmond as well as Harris traits. It's fun to see certain things come out in him that you know have to be inherited. He's my bud!

Now Eric has more of Kandilyn's features and the Harris look. He also has some personality traits of the Harris', but I see more and more of the Osmond "shenanigans" coming out in him. He's a character, and a great little guy!

If you could choose just one spiritual gift for each of your children, what would it be?

For Jason, it would be the gift of patience. For Eric, it would be the gift of discernment. For Marcus, it would be the gift of positive thinking.

How do you share your faith with your children, and help them on their own journey of faith?

I think you said it... "Life" is a journey. We are all here for a purpose. We are all children of God. We are important to God and to each other. When you really believe that, you are well on your way to dealing with all the things that life throws at you. Faith in God and His great plan is the anchor that gets you through many trials and struggles that come your way. Having this attitude and belief can help you turn lemons into lemonade, and obstacles into opportunities. Just by trying to live this true principle (the best you know how), is (I think) the best way to show your children, your faith and love for them, and to help them, in their journey through life on earth.

How did you feel when you learned that you were going to be a father, and do you hope that they will install all of the examples in their children that you have installed in them?

I actually went into shock! I remember sitting at my desk after hearing the amazing news, and thinking, "Is this really happening?" I remember also, the big hug I gave Kandilyn, and that sweet (and anxious) look on her face.

I have thought about my (future) grandchildren a lot! I hope that by my example, my boys will honor their wives, instilling a pattern for their kids, and on and on.....I think the greatest thing I can do for my boys, right now, is to love their mother!

Do you ever have the opportunity to have a “boys night out” with your boys, and if so, what do you like to do?

We spend a lot of time together when I'm home. We used to have a "guys night out" every week, but now I take whatever comes and make the most of it. Long gone are the days where I felt I had to entertain them. They keep me me hopping with all the things they're into now. I am the one entertained just by watching how they make decisions, and helping them deal with challenges.

Do you have any special routines that you share with your children when you first return after a long tour? Is there anything they do for you when you return home as well?

My big thing now is to establish a pattern of good habits, such as family prayer and scripture study every night, Family Home Evening every Monday, dinner together on most nights and at a specific time, etc. I feel they need consistency more now than ever before. When there are feelings of confusion or even bouts of contention among the boys, I look for a time where we can have a Family Council to resolve the issue or issues. I like the word you used... "DO." I say to them all the time, "Is there anything I can do for you?" They are picking up on this slowly.

How did you feel when your babies were first put into your arms?

Fear! I was so afraid of dropping them. I used to feel infants were so fragile. I look at those big guys now, and can't believe my eyes (I still feel fear, only now it's in terms of them driving, etc.). It's amazing to me, the love you develop for these little characters. I tell, and show, my boys that they're loved all the time. Even though I can't hold them in my arms like I used to, I still hold them in my arms with great-big hugs, (and even a little kiss on the cheek once in a while).

You became a parent at a “later age” …. in your 30’s …. as opposed to most of your brothers who were parents at a much younger age. Did you feel like this made you a different kind of parent than you saw them being? For instance, do you feel like it gave you the chance to be more patient or nurturing than they could have been at such a young age?

I'm not sure of the answer. I just know that God gives us these little ones to raise up the best we know how. If we are humble, patient, and prayerful, He will bless us with the qualities and traits we need, to help them get through this life.